How To Catch a Cold

Want to catch a cold? Follow these easy steps!

Some people seem to expect a bout with a cold or the flu each year. If you haven't had your quota yet, here are some things you can do:

1. Eat a poor diet. If you want to catch a cold, make sure your body lacks the vitamins and minerals it needs to keep itself in good repair. Eat lots of processed foods, stripped of their nutritional value. Avoid fresh vegetables and ingest lots of high-fat snack foods.

2. Avoid adequate rest. After neglecting the quality of the raw materials your body needs to repair itself, deprive yourself of adequate rest. Stay up late and reduce the time you sleep as much as possible. Use tobacco, coffee and other stimulants to fool yourself into thinking you have plenty of energy.

3. Stop exercising. To catch a cold, make sure you reduce the effectiveness of your immune and lymphatic systems. Unlike the circulatory system with its pump (the heart), your lymphatic system depends upon exercise and physical movement to circulate these valuable fluids with their germ-fighting abilities.

4. Rarely wash your hands. Increase your chances of catching a cold by compromising your personal hygiene. Remember to use your dirty hands and fingers to rub your eyes, pick your nose or wipe your lips.

5. Think negative thoughts. Look for opportunities to imagine having a cold. Pay attention to news reports about outbreaks of the flu and pay close attention to TV commercials from drug companies that sell products designed for cold sufferers.

6. Invite stress. Stress yourself physically by experiencing extreme temperature and humidity changes. Stress yourself mentally with constant worry or fear. Stress yourself socially by encountering as many ill people as possible.

7. Become dehydrated. Avoid drinking enough water. Reduce the effectiveness of your immune system and other bodily functions by drinking water-removing diuretics such as caffienated beverages, coffee, tea and alcohol.

8. Forget your chiropractic appointments. Ignore the role of a properly operating nervous system, the master control of your immune system. Avoid all preventive strategies and shun our suggestions of periodic visits to help you stay well.

Of course we're joking! The only way to catch a cold or the flu is to make yourself a hospitable host to the millions of cold and flu germs around you every day. Include regular chiropractic care to keep you working at your very best so cold and flu germs aren't made to feel welcome in your body!